Category: Humor

Posted on

The Groovy Granny: ‘Destined to become a family heirloom’

What readers are saying about The Groovy Granny:

“Destined to become a family heirloom.”

“The opening poem, ‘Gadget Snow Pants,’  is pure genius.”

“I can’t wait to read it to my  grandkids and tell them that a special little girl drew all of these amazing pictures. They are going to LOVE it!

“Priceless!”

“Echoes of Seuss, but the humor is all Heather Grace Stewart.”

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on ‘The Groovy Granny,’ on Twitter, my Facebook page, and in the comments section at the link above.

Sales in the first three weeks went so well I decided to add the ISBN at the back (this is an important code to make cataloguing the book easier), and added some  reader reviews to the new dust jacket. All three books are available here: http://www.blurb.com/user/store/HeatherGS   Please share this link with others –grandparents, teachers and parents –who might be interested in “The Groovy Granny.”

Signed copies are also available via Paypal, just email me at writer@hgrace.com to make arrangements.

Thanks for reading and sharing!

Heather & Kayla

Posted on

Messy Nat and Neat Nina

I like to dust;
I like to clean.
I love to make things
shimmer and glean.

My sister Nat is different;
she likes a good mess.
So sometimes I clean for her,
I confess.

Once I took her to the cleaners,
not her old coin Laundromat,
but they made a mistake,
and laundered Nat!

I came back the next day.
There she hung, with the clothes:
Spotless and pressed,
from her head to her toes.

Now we share the housework,
But Nat gets the clothes cleaned.
For we’ll never forget
that day she was steamed.

from the manuscript The Party In Your Lunchbox copyright Heather Grace Stewart, Art by Kayla Stewart, age 5. I’m trying to get a bit of traffic and knowledge about my new blog, “A Children’s Poetry Place,” could you please visit there, and tell others about it too? Thanks so much. Here’s the link:

Messy Nat and Neat Nina, with Art by Kayla Stewart, 5.

Posted on

Celebrate Poet of 2010 Award

I’d like to thank Jingle and everyone in her wonderful poetry community for voting for me and the other talented recipients of the Celebrate Poet of 2010 Award.

You can take a peek here to see this blog award and some other fun awards I’ve won lately.

Sometimes, I even add a pair of sparkly shoes I’m drooling over, just to make it less about the awards, because it all feels a little silly. I write because I love to do it and can’t imagine life without poetry! But thanks for reading and remembering my work.

And, sorry, I just can’t help myself here–please be extremely careful if you retype this post. A couple typos, and I’m the Celibate Poet of 2010.

Posted on

If Aaron Sorkin Worked At Hallmark

Don’t Blink: Day 5

I believe that every day lived with laughter is a day well lived. Which is why I spent a few minutes of my morning writing silly greeting cards as if they were written by one of my favorite screenwriters.

I shared my good news about Blue Mountain Arts with a few friends, who were all very supportive (and didn’t actually come out and say what I know you’re all thinking, “Hey, Heath, you’d be perfect for that, cheese ball.” So thanks for that guys…I think).

Aaron tells me he applied to work for Hallmark once, and that he didn’t get the job. I think he’s being dry, but I never know with him. He did, after all, work delivering singing telegrams for a while. The image of him writing Hallmark cards got me giggling out loud, and then writing, and then giggling some more.

Rejected Hallmark Cards, by Aaron Sorkin

Another year older? Stop whining. Just stop. Do it. Do it now.
*

Birthdays are not nice on so many levels.

*

I spent $4.99 on this card for you. NO I DO NOT
USE FACEBOOK OR TWITTER. STOP ASKING ME, YOU NETWORKED NUTJOB.

*

What are friends for?

Telling you what you don’t want to hear, and annoying the hell outta you.
You, my friend, do an excellent job.

*

Specifically for Sarah Palin:

Happy Martin Luther King Day,
you phony pioneer girl.

*

I love you, but every single day, I wanna smack
you silly with a stale baguette. Happy Anniversary.

*

NB: These were all my words, in his style, or his favorite words, in my style–regardless, they aren’t direct quotes from any of his works or interviews–except for the “phony pioneer girl” quote, which I simply couldn’t resist recycling. I don’t think it was harsh. I think it was awesome.

Finally, Aaron, if you’re reading, (which I highly doubt ’cause I believe you’re writing a play, a sitcom, four movies, and taking a shower) congrats to you, Lauren, Ian, David Fincher, and the cast and crew for all the nominations and awards so far for The Social Network. No surprise there—it’s all well-deserved.

Posted on

Maybe the fortune was for the Zhu Zhu pets.

This morning, you handed me my fortune.

“All your hard work is about to pay off.”

Okay. I could look at this one of two ways.

1. Oh goody, my time has finally come!

2. This fortune is six months old. You found it
at the bottom of my hot pink purse, which you
emptied because your Zhu Zhu pets needed
a fashionable home.

Is there a warranty on fortune cookies?